For approval of others or self?

So yesterday, even though I know it wasn't a huge milestone, I was quite proud of my 2 miles in 22 minutes. More of less because I never thought I would last to keep running through the 2 miles. So I was on a high... until I called a friend of mine who is almost always encouraging. "what did you take a siesta along the way, stop to but a blouse?" and other such jokes... I know I know they were jokes and I laughed accordingly as I tried to explain the whole 1 mile in 15 Min's in high school thing. But it did bring my high down a little and my glow from my work out started to dim.

Maybe it wasn't such a milestone, I was starting to think I wasn't even making progress. Him sensing that I was sort of getting discouraged by the aforementioned jokes began telling me that now I had a starting point and I can try to beat my times each day now. I had something to measure against. But alas the damage had been done.

Later on that same day, I decided to tell my co-manager that I was running a 5k for breast cancer and I would be coming for donations from her. Then the jokes started from that end. " why you'll never finish, although I could donate and know my money was safe because you probably wouldn't make the first mile." All this seems very mean spirited but it was said amongst laughter. But once again another blow to my faith and glow of my progress of the day.

Lastly about an hour later my brother comes in to see me at work. We chat a little, he knows I am trying to become more active and is usually very supportive. I told him of my run and the time at the completion of it. To which the response was, " 11 Min's?! You should be able to run a mile in 4!!!" To which I responded. I know my goal is actually going to be 6 Min's by Oct. But I thought it was a start. He ranted for a few more Min's about 4 Min's and how he couldn't believe my mile time in high school, then I think he might have seen something in my eyes. All of a sudden it became but Denise 4 Min's is probably for serious athletes not for regular people. But now after three people I love not having the reaction I had been hoping for... The glow was now completely gone and I am not even the least little proud of myself any.

Skip to this morning, Alarm sounds for me to get up and head out for my run. I hit snooze. 5 Min's later it sounds again, I hit OFF. I lay in bed contemplating the fact of how I am just not good at this and how sore I am. Plus I probably just won't do well anyway.

Then there was a epiphany... These same people needed to be proven wrong! Was I doing this for me or for their approval? I sat up in bed and decided right there and then, even if they never believe I can do it, or the time it takes me is 9 Min's a mile. Who cares? I am doing this for me and I will prevail! Because I know I can do this and you better believe I will be standing past that finish line getting my picture taken in victory, with a nice wave of a finger at them!