For approval of others or self?

So yesterday, even though I know it wasn't a huge milestone, I was quite proud of my 2 miles in 22 minutes. More of less because I never thought I would last to keep running through the 2 miles. So I was on a high... until I called a friend of mine who is almost always encouraging. "what did you take a siesta along the way, stop to but a blouse?" and other such jokes... I know I know they were jokes and I laughed accordingly as I tried to explain the whole 1 mile in 15 Min's in high school thing. But it did bring my high down a little and my glow from my work out started to dim.

Maybe it wasn't such a milestone, I was starting to think I wasn't even making progress. Him sensing that I was sort of getting discouraged by the aforementioned jokes began telling me that now I had a starting point and I can try to beat my times each day now. I had something to measure against. But alas the damage had been done.

Later on that same day, I decided to tell my co-manager that I was running a 5k for breast cancer and I would be coming for donations from her. Then the jokes started from that end. " why you'll never finish, although I could donate and know my money was safe because you probably wouldn't make the first mile." All this seems very mean spirited but it was said amongst laughter. But once again another blow to my faith and glow of my progress of the day.

Lastly about an hour later my brother comes in to see me at work. We chat a little, he knows I am trying to become more active and is usually very supportive. I told him of my run and the time at the completion of it. To which the response was, " 11 Min's?! You should be able to run a mile in 4!!!" To which I responded. I know my goal is actually going to be 6 Min's by Oct. But I thought it was a start. He ranted for a few more Min's about 4 Min's and how he couldn't believe my mile time in high school, then I think he might have seen something in my eyes. All of a sudden it became but Denise 4 Min's is probably for serious athletes not for regular people. But now after three people I love not having the reaction I had been hoping for... The glow was now completely gone and I am not even the least little proud of myself any.

Skip to this morning, Alarm sounds for me to get up and head out for my run. I hit snooze. 5 Min's later it sounds again, I hit OFF. I lay in bed contemplating the fact of how I am just not good at this and how sore I am. Plus I probably just won't do well anyway.

Then there was a epiphany... These same people needed to be proven wrong! Was I doing this for me or for their approval? I sat up in bed and decided right there and then, even if they never believe I can do it, or the time it takes me is 9 Min's a mile. Who cares? I am doing this for me and I will prevail! Because I know I can do this and you better believe I will be standing past that finish line getting my picture taken in victory, with a nice wave of a finger at them!

Learning to run

OK to start off my name is Denise and I am 28 years old. I am one of those people that always wished that they were active, even pretended a little that I "used" to be more active than I was. I even checked the moderately active boxes in the health questionnaires when I knew that I was not as active as I would have liked to believe.

Sure I can stretch and touch the floor... but my legs have to have a fairly wide V to make it happen! Sure I can stand and walk all day as a server... Oh but what about all those breaks during the down time and I am completely standing still. What about the fact that I went out and bought a bike... Never mind I've only ridden it once!

Like I said I am one of those people that have always wanted to be active...

But no more! This is a sort of diary of my journey to become active. Through out this blog I hope to first train to complete my first 5K race, then move on to bigger and better things such as a 10K, maybe a bike race, even learn how to surf, rock climb, ski, snow board, and maybe roller blade!

This is my quest for activity, to finally be what I have always wanted to be, ACTIVE.

So yesterday was my first day out training for my 5K. I convinced my dear loving mother that she too wanted to do this 5K for breast cancer.

My mother is slightly more out of shape than me, and after 2 blocks was already asking how much further? We also brought my 3 year old with out the stroller. She is in better shape than both my mother and me and was still raring to go after having gone 2 miles. Basically yesterday was a warm up day that had a few spurts of running intertwined with mostly walking. But it felt like a huge start!

Today, I got off of work at 2 am and needless to say I am a little sore from the spurts of running yesterday, So my first reaction is, run today, Heck no!!!!

But of course then my common sense comes in and I realize I refuse to be laughed at for not completing this desired goal I have set for myself. So I get out the sports bra, the jogging shorts, and the t-shirt. Lace up and tie my shoes and go to the living room. Mom are you coming? The answer is NO. She is not feeling well today. Which is understandable.

So I am off alone today, first walking, not sure I am really feeling it, but non the less pressing onward. Then a song by Leona Lewis called "better in time" and suddenly everything seemed a little brighter and I started to notice all of the beauty around me. "This," I think, "is why people run every morning." So I stretch out my legs and get a warm up power walk going. The Rihanna's "Disturbia" begins, this is my power song at the moment so it gets me in the mood to run. And run I do, I start making little goals to make it too, a street sign here, a drive way there, always in between giving myself the option to walk for a minute or two once I hit that goal. Soon 2 miles are completed in less time than I anticipated. I actually made the 2 miles in 24 Min's! (I know this sounds a little sad but given the fact that in high school I was lucky to finish a mile in 15, I took this to be a good sign.) As I am walking up my front steps after my cool down I actually feel let down that it is way to hot to keep pushing myself or else I think I might have just kept going.

That feeling alone, for the sedentary woman that I have become, and quite possibly always have been, Was my small victory for the day. And yes just to let you know I will be headed back out tomorrow. I refuse to let this goal go!